Adventures in Russian Brooklyn: Shopping, Brighton Style

by Semechka on July 3, 2013

Americans come to Brighton (“Little Odessa”) for primarily three reasons:

1)    To spend a day at the beach/Coney Island.

2)    To get a taste of “authentic” Russian cuisine.

3)    They are lost.

Few come here to shop (though granted, the produce is cheap). As a Brighton Beach local, I shop around here on a regular basis. Some of the things I’ve witnessed have been too hilarious to not share with the world. So world, here you go:

Brighton Shopping

Net Cost Market is the mecca of Eastern European produce. Russians come here from afar to buy their sunflower seeds and other miscellaneous Slavic goods:

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Net Cost Market (or colloquially, “the Baza”) offers you many conveniences. For instance — when shopping for kielbasa, have you ever been overcome with the insatiable urge to buy/sell precious metals? Of course; we all have! At the Baza, you can pawn your grandmother’s jewelry and do her grocery shopping, all in one place.

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But that’s not all — now you can shop for produce, jewelry, and affordable custom kitchens, all in one place! They are literally throwing in everything and the kitchen sink to get you to shop here:

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But wait — there’s more! Where else can you buy antiquated remedies and slutty pirate figurines, all under one roof?!?!?

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Finally, the Baza knows what you’ve secretly desired all these years. The opportunity to clean your teeth — IN RUSSIAN:

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Just a few blocks away from the Baza, you can shop at Best Buy (no, not that Best Buy), which boasts not only the best food and the best taste, but the best feeling, too.

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how is this not trademark infringement….?

Here on Brighton Beach, we have no shortage of pharmacies and Chase banks. If one doesn’t suit you, there’s bound to be another within sneezing distance — maybe even across the street.

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On Brighton, we have the finest quality designer clothes, imported from exotic places like China.

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And our prices are unbeatable! Where else can you buy expired apple juice or sunbaked yogurt for the low low price of $1?????

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was 2012 a good year for apple juice?

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sun-kissed to perfection.

Finally, here’s a little game I like to call “Count the Fruit Store Spelling Errors”:

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That’s all that we have for you today! Join us next time on Adventures in Russian Brooklyn, when we visit a Russian doctor/hypnotist’s office.

doc

opthalmology and hypnotherapy, all in one convenient location.

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