The art of a day at Banya

by RA Jr. on January 20, 2014

 Some days are cold and some days are hot… but the best days, involve a banya stop!

Recently we asked ourselves this very profound question: what shall we do today? It was a Wednesday that happened to have coincided with Christmas. Us being the non-Christmas observing type, we had to decide on what oh what to do. There was the obvious movie/ Chinese cuisine, but we’d already seen ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ ( love you, Leo!) and polar vortex was kicking in. So we pushed ourselves out to the only logical destination: the banya, holy grail of Russians. The only place we gleefully sit around half naked among a crowd of strangers and sweat together in unison until we feel like family. And so began our day of sweaty perfection:

  • Bathing suit – check.
  • Bikini hair in check, check — ummm… [10 minute bathroom break]
  • Ok now check.
  • Tapachki … don’t touch the floor. Ever.
  • Seriously, don’t ever touch the floor.
  • A hat.
  • No, that’s the wrong hat – a wool one.
  • Do I look like a smurf in this hat?
  • Money – no, cash.
  • Save a seat in the common area. It’ll be me + Masha + Alina + Marina + Alina M + Irina + Alina Y
  • Forgot to grab some towels.
  • Got 10 so I can save a full table.
  • Tea. Need tea.
  • Taranka + tea. Need taranka + tea.
  • Go sweat.
  • Sweat.
  • Sweat.
  • Sweat.
  • COLD WATER!
  • Never doing that again.
  • More tea.
  • Kartoshka sounds good right about now.
  • Beer time.
  • Kartoshka arrives. Kartoshka + beer.
  • Go back to sweat.
  • Sweat.
  • Sweat.
  • Ok it’s too hot.
  • COLD WATER!
  • Shit, why did I forget how cold the water is?
  • Back to table.
  • More food.
  • Taranka and beer… so good. Why would I ever eat anything again?
  • More sweat.
  • Does this place have a hot tub?
  • Why am I hungry again?
  • More sweat.
  • No, pool this time.
  • OMG how did 7 hours pass already?
  • Why am I so sleepy?
  • Sleepy, yet so happy.
  • Locker-room to change.
  • Wow so that’s what she looks like naked. Wish I hadn’t seen that.
  • Wait, is that girl thinking the same thing about me now?!?

And that’s our perfect banya day. Did we miss anything? Tell us in the comments… or else!

  • Shoorachka

    how about seeing people being hit with those branches? always weirds me out.

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