SLRs and non SLRs alike all share one thing in common: Babushkas. They are cute, they are old, and when they aren’t watching Russian television on 50 decibels too high, they are asking you why you are not yet married / why you are not having kids / why you are not having more kids.
And in the event that you are facing a bit of a dating dry spell, worry not because you are about to be enrolled into the B2B club: Babushka 2 Babushka matchmaking services .. whether you like it or not. You see, our Babushkas not only nag … cough:cough.. love us, but they also take the time to love their fellow Babushkas as well, on your behalf:
“You have a 26 year old granddaughter who’s graduating law school this spring? Why, I have a 28 year old grandson who manages a cell phone store! It’s perfect!”
“Here, I’ll show you a picture of what he looked like when he still had hair… err.. I mean what he looks like now!”
Whoever you are, and whatever your type, the B2B matchmaking club is working hard for you. So, in the event that you can’t find the perfect date for Valentines Day or any day, call your Babushka and she will find the perfect Boris/Svetlana soulmate you’ve been searching for.
Can you see the sparks starting to fly already? We can, too.
While most New York women go to Bloomingdales to pillage the racks of brands like Theory and DVF, our Russian amigas delight in no such pleasures. Oh no — they skip right past and head over to the holy grail of Russian dressing: Juicy Couture.
I’m not really sure what the appeal of looking like pepto bismol in head-to-toe fuchsia colored sweat pants and matching hoodies is, but then again, if I did, I wouldn’t be a Self Loathing Russian, would I?
But I digress. The day that J.Lo wore her pink juicy suit in her + Ja Rule’s “I’m Real” video circa 2003, fashionable women’s hearts around the world skipped a collective beat: they could finally wear branded sweat suits outside of their homes without looking like thuggettes.
A big relief, indeed. And while all women were happy, Russian women were EXTREMELY so because for the first time, they were able to feel the comfort of velour pressing on their skin while showing their future oligarch ex- husbands just what their mamas gave ’em.
With so many birds being killed by the same stone, it’s no wonder that the suit became standard fare for the “Russianistas”. And standard fare it is. Until this very day. Even though the rest of the world has moved on. Even though the brand is struggling and surviving against all odds. We will not give it up! But really, how else can one achieve the feat of looking like an Easter Bunny in comfort AND show that they are wearing a brand name? Think about it.. think about it… SEE? It can’t be done.
Russians living in America today are many things. They are..
and some.. well actually now that I think about it, many, are even..
But most of all, they are hilariously entertaining. So while our friends named “Masha”, “Igor”, “Sasha”, and of course we can’t forget “Vlad” and “Boris”, are out shopping at Armani Exchange and wearing too much bling that they got from their uncle’s store at a “discount”, us Self Loathing Russians are sitting back and enjoying the show.
We wave our freak flags high!