Tips for the American guy dating the Russian Betch

by RA Jr. on April 11, 2012

Are you an American guy who has a fetish for Russian girls, but is not interested in going the mail-order-bride route? If so… one of us is now single! Just kidding.

But really, dating Russian girls can be tricky. Believe us, we’re Russian girls and we’ve scared our fair share of men along the way. Not intentionally, of course… because we’re sweet and shit, but casualties are bound to occur. There are, however, ways to come out unscathed and unharmed from your R&R (romance with a Russian). Mainly:

  • Impress her with your knowledge of the Russian language. Greet her properly with “Devushka, edi s’uda!” She’ll be sure to run straight into your bed arms.
  • Going shot for shot is a good way to win brownie points with her dad. Likewise, going katleta for katleta will work with her mom.
  • Don’t offer to join her on her next shopping trip. Instead, offer your cash, mastercard, debit card and life savings.
  • Never question what’s in her Louie bag.
  • Or what ingredients she used in that borscht. She’s not trying to poison you (unless you’ve been misbehaving).
  • Dress up as if you were going to a wedding any time you’re heading out to dinner with her family. While a tee shirt and jeans may be appropriate for an outing with yours, it will get you death stares with hers.
  • Weekend getaways to St. Tropez!  She secretly wishes she was with Timati, and not you, but don’t ruin the fantasy.
  • Stare at her chest whenever possible. She paid good money for those bad boys, and wants you to notice.
  • Don’t ask her if she’s ever seen a polar bear. The answer might be yes, but you don’t want to go there.
  • And finally, stock up on pointy shoes, hair gel, and techno music. You’ll need them.
So you see, a little R&R can be easily achieved if you follow these simple pointers. Now go get ’em, tigers. Rawr!

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Truth April 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

This was terrible.  it wasn’t funny, it wasn’t informative.. WTF were you thinking ?


Dare April 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh don’t be a meanie!! It was good!


Greg April 11, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I’m Russian — and I know that to be totally true. 


Guest1 April 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Girls, i have been reading your blog for some time now. Always has been a fan of it here and on fb. This passage is the chissiest and the clumsiest so far. Looking forward to your old stuff.
russian jew from sheepshead bay


youarenotfunny May 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

there is a term for antisemitic jews, self hating jews. You are self hating russians. This is the first and last time I will be reading your blog. I feel sad for you that you would have such low opinion of yourselves. This is a stereotype of spoiled b****s on the fringe, not mainstream russians. you should be ashamed of  for posting such drivel and should find better use of your time!


Not a mail order village ho September 4, 2012 at 7:42 am

Seriously? I dunno what ghetto ass small town Russian girls this is about but the fake tits,Timati and dressing up a sleezy pimp in poity shoes n gel hair bs must be bout some dumbass wanabe 16year old blonde bimbo who never been out of a Ukranian village except to move to Brighton Beach type of chick


Lol September 4, 2012 at 7:45 am

If ur with a girl who is this dumb she is not a real Russian girl worth ur time


Irina September 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

are you people serious with these comments? this is a satirical blog and this post was a joke… if you went on here looking for real tips, you have problems


Anka La Blanca January 11, 2013 at 12:07 pm

Ladies, all your posts are usually spot on and funny…but this post is neither true nor funny :( Although the topic could be interesting…


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