by RA Jr. on March 9, 2011

Ronald McDonald. Smiles, hearts, and cheeseburgers – delivering them is what he’s all about. What he does not know, however, is that he delivers something completely different to the hearts and minds of Russian adolescents everywhere: anxiety.

Let us explain…

To the naked eye, McDonalds is a fast food restaurant. But to the Russian eye, it’s a place where hopes and dreams go to die. Not doing well in school? A future of burger flipping/ toilet cleaning/ pizza delivering is what awaits. (At least you have options, right?)

Because if you are not getting the grades to make it here:

Then you are most definitely, positively, ABSOLUTELY going to end up there:


You see, to the Russian parental mind, nothing puts a pep in a kid’s step like the prospect of one day being crowned “Employee of the Week” at the local fast food joint.

And if you don’t believe us, believe Mr. Yakubson (via Z100 phone-tap):

You see how calmly he asks his son “VAT CHAPPEN LAST NAIT” before revealing that he’s going to keeeeell him? Well, that’s because he’s not actually going to keeeeell him: in fact, Papa is sending his former pride and joy (Lawrence, not his limo service) off to be Vincenzo Pizzeria’s newest pepperoni counter. A fate worse than death.

So there you have it, kids: get good grades, don’t get caught with do drugs, and stay far, far away from Ronald McDonald. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Oh and hey we have a Facebook page now .. go on with your bad self and like us! Because we like you. And aren’t the feelings mutual???!? Click here!

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Anna Grigorian June 24, 2011 at 4:16 pm



A4ever July 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

this is hilarious. Love russian dad accents haha.


Ruskibog1 September 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

amazing hahaha


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